Monday, October 27, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
It is an in between time. I'm sitting in my room, sweating.
I don't know if I should stay here in the Bay Area, or go back to Olympia. It is so hard. Since I quit going to school at SFSDF, my parents have been concerned about me finishing school and getting a BA. But in reality I WANT to go back to school. I miss learning. I want to be bilingual, I want to travel, I want to see everything I can see and experience everything I possibly can. It would be so easy to go back to Olympia and go to Evergreen, where I could immediately get into a study abroad program, or do an independent study, where I can get credit just for traveling and experiencing life and learning on my own. That is so perfect for me. And I could have my own place (and I could afford it!) where I could paint my rooms, cook in my kitchen, grow a garden, have my cats back, and have room to paint and draw and make music and films without having to worry about not having enough space, or my equipment being stolen. I would also be near my family, who I miss very much as well as some of my best friends.
But, that would mean leaving San Francisco. It would mean leaving the family I work for, the best nanny job I have ever had. It would mean leaving a beautiful city with perfect weather. It would mean leaving some of my other best friends in the world, some of the most amazing people I have ever met! People who mean the world to me, who make life fun. And it would mean leaving Anton. Not breaking up, but leaving. Long distance. Thats what scares me the most. I don't want to make him move back. I want him to go to school, and he wants to go to school here, in Oakland. And he wants to live in Oakland with some of our friends in a warehouse. I hope that it works out for him.
I know we would be okay, even if we lived in different states, but it would still be extremely difficult. It is hard to get out of the routine of sleeping in the same bed as someone, and knowing they will always be there for you. Sure, I can always reach him by phone and email, but it doesn't compare. And sure, we would visit each other as often as possible, but it still wouldn't compare to being with him every day.
So what do I do? Live near my family and finish school and travel for two years? Or stay in the Bay Area with Anton and try to find a job where I can make enough money to live happily? There aren't any schools here that I really like. I could go to a couple of the universities, but I don't particularly like the university system.
If only Evergreen was here. That would be so easy.
I don't know if I should stay here in the Bay Area, or go back to Olympia. It is so hard. Since I quit going to school at SFSDF, my parents have been concerned about me finishing school and getting a BA. But in reality I WANT to go back to school. I miss learning. I want to be bilingual, I want to travel, I want to see everything I can see and experience everything I possibly can. It would be so easy to go back to Olympia and go to Evergreen, where I could immediately get into a study abroad program, or do an independent study, where I can get credit just for traveling and experiencing life and learning on my own. That is so perfect for me. And I could have my own place (and I could afford it!) where I could paint my rooms, cook in my kitchen, grow a garden, have my cats back, and have room to paint and draw and make music and films without having to worry about not having enough space, or my equipment being stolen. I would also be near my family, who I miss very much as well as some of my best friends.
But, that would mean leaving San Francisco. It would mean leaving the family I work for, the best nanny job I have ever had. It would mean leaving a beautiful city with perfect weather. It would mean leaving some of my other best friends in the world, some of the most amazing people I have ever met! People who mean the world to me, who make life fun. And it would mean leaving Anton. Not breaking up, but leaving. Long distance. Thats what scares me the most. I don't want to make him move back. I want him to go to school, and he wants to go to school here, in Oakland. And he wants to live in Oakland with some of our friends in a warehouse. I hope that it works out for him.
I know we would be okay, even if we lived in different states, but it would still be extremely difficult. It is hard to get out of the routine of sleeping in the same bed as someone, and knowing they will always be there for you. Sure, I can always reach him by phone and email, but it doesn't compare. And sure, we would visit each other as often as possible, but it still wouldn't compare to being with him every day.
So what do I do? Live near my family and finish school and travel for two years? Or stay in the Bay Area with Anton and try to find a job where I can make enough money to live happily? There aren't any schools here that I really like. I could go to a couple of the universities, but I don't particularly like the university system.
If only Evergreen was here. That would be so easy.
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